


no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong one

by Dark_Writer



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Multi, Sequel, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-10
Updated: 2012-10-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 01:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Writer/pseuds/Dark_Writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The stories all point to the fall of the evil queen but she just wishes for redemption.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong one

**Author's Note:**

> Written for fanaticfaberrittanafanfiction on FF as a sequel to her fic, Fix You.
> 
> Title comes from Florence+the Machine's Blinding.

You wake first, the sky outside your window still dark and your vision obscured by velvety brown hair. At first you are confused by this but then, slowly, the memories come back. You, crying in your room, Rachel kissing your forehead, Rachel promising to fix you, the  _song_ ; everything comes back so gradually that you wonder if you are awake at all.

She can never know what she does to you, you know that. She might suspect your love for her but she will never know the depth of it. It is too painful for even you to think about and you do not want to burden her like that – not when you know that she cannot return those feelings.

You shift closer to her, your fingers gripping her top tightly as you struggle not to cry once again. You know that this is the last time you will permit yourself to be close to her for a long time. You need to get over her in order to live or else you will wither away. You know yourself well enough to know that this is the only outcome that loving her so truly and so thoroughly can bring as long as she is with Santana and you continue to pine. You only pray that you can keep that decision long enough to do what you must.

* * *

The story of Snow White tells of two opposing forces ensconced in two single beings. Light takes the form of a maiden pure and true, her beauty only matched by her natural kindness, whereas Darkness is represented by the evil queen who plays stepmother to this maiden,  _her_  beauty on par with her cruelty. Both forces engage in a contest of wills decided by a prince who rides in to save the fair maiden, bringing Light to victory.

What the story does not tell, what you know to be true, is that Darkness was captivated by Light, obsessed and jealous. The threat of her kindness was always overlooked because of that obsession and so it was easily vanquished, the very strength and sheer force of it becoming its weakness.

You wish that you could tell  _that_  story, if only because it would be yours. Only, there is also the love and the need to be close to the Light, so close that it burns your fingers when you reach out to touch it.

This is what Rachel makes you feel and you know that it is only a matter of time before it works against you. She does not need a prince to save her because she is your saviour in all the ways that you need her to be, her strength the product of years of torture at your hands.

You trace the contours of her face in the early morning light with a touch so soft, so gentle that it is almost as if there is no contact at all. Soon you will not even be able to have even this small mercy so you take it as you want, just letting yourself memorise everything you can about her.

She whimpers in her sleep and calls a name that is not yours, breaking you out of your reverie. If you are going to do this then you have to do it now, you reason, as you untangle yourself from her and leave the bed. The longer you postpone this, the less willing you will be to leave her.

As you pad quietly down the stairs and into the kitchen, you find your mother already there, coffee in hand and a mug waiting for you on the table. It has been almost two years since you have come back home and she is still trying. God knows, it has been a difficult journey for both of you, mother and daughter finally learning the best and worst of each other, but at least you have that. The evil queen did not.

She looks at you with a sad smile, knowing as much about what you feel for the girl lying in your bed as you have told her in the past few months. She likes Rachel but she also knows that this is a road long barred to you because of your cowardice, something that she can relate to well.

When you sit you turn your attention to your coffee, not wanting to see the emotions swirling in her eyes. You know what you will see and you do not want to face the pity that will be there, nor the sympathy, not now that you are determined to move on.

Time passes slowly as you both sit there in silence but not oppressively as it once did. You no longer have to fear breaking the image of perfection so now you find that this small picture is one that you do not want to ruin, not when you are both at peace. The sound of Rachel quietly joining you does not change it, either. Her presence there just feels right, as it always will.

Your mother sets another mug in front of Rachel and leaves the room, letting you know with a gentle touch on your shoulder that she will be there for you when you are ready. You are grateful for that.

"So…" she begins, after a few sips, "do you want to talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"You're in love with me."

You suspected she knows but you do not anticipate the bluntness of her statement. She does not ask nor does she confirm. She just places it out in the open like the fact that it is, the apple that would have killed Snow White though you know she is stronger than that, stronger than the evil queen that you are.

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. If you open your mouth, you know that words you will regret will come out. No, not words. You will pour your heart out knowing that there is no other outcome than having it crushed – no other outcome that you desire in the present situation, that is. Your friendship with Santana would not survive and you do not want to go back to that girl who broke everything for your own desires.

She reaches out for your hand and you recoil sharply. You do not want her touch because if she touches you then the dam will burst and the evil queen will rear her head once more. You cannot let that happen and so you stand abruptly, moving to the doorway in two quick strides that send shooting pains up your spine.

"I can't," you breathe, tears springing to your eyes. Whether it is from your back or from your heart, you cannot tell. "I just…I can't let this ruin everything. I'll get over it, I swear, but I can't do this right now."

* * *

You do not know where your feet take you, just that it is away from Rachel. You need to be away from her next year if you are to do this but Yale is still too close. You have to think about this and so you just let you mind wonder as your path takes you where it will.

You are not paying attention so you know that it is your fault when you bump into someone. Looking up from the sidewalk for the first time since you left your house you meet startingly blue eyes and dark hair. She is shorter than you and her head is down, hands currently fiddling with papers that somehow went flying when you both collided but you can tell that she is pretty.

"I'm so sorry," she says in this energetic way that reminds you so much of Rachel that it hurts, "I'm just – I don't know. Today hasn't been a good day for me and I –"

"No," you say with a small smile. "It's completely my fault."

While you help her despite the aching pain that now pulses through your body you learn that her name is Harmony. You tell her that you recognise her from Sectionals and that she has a really good voice. She tells you that you dance well and that you are quite pretty. When you tell her, jokingly, that it will probably come in handy when you are off at either Yale or one of the other colleges that you were accepted into, she tells you that it is probably just as well because you look like someone who would enjoy writing.

You feel flattered by her compliment on your looks but what makes it sweeter is the fact that she does not seem so surprised that you are also smart. The similarities are building but you are determined not to let yourself see Rachel so much in her because that is not healthy and you know that it is also unfair to her. Still, when she invites you to the Lima Bean for coffee the next day, you cannot help but accept.

One invitation becomes one more, then lunch and then tentative dates that are not dates until one night when she shows up with a single flower – a primrose – and a copy of  _Hunger Games_  on DVD. All you can do is stare at her while she stands there looking so nervous and kind of adorable at the same time.

"I've read the books and, I don't know," she says a little helplessly, "the irony kind of stayed with me."

You still stare at her a little shell-shocked because here she is, basically telling you with a flower that she cannot live without you and holding a movie that she would not watch just because of the irony of a name that only someone as intensely into both literature and flower meanings would recognise. Without thinking you pull her into you by her jacket collar and kiss her in full view of everyone.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you think that this is what being human is about. It is not perfection and it is not about how self-sacrificing you are. It is about how you live and how you love and, in that moment, you think that you could love her almost as much as you loved Rachel.

* * *

By the time graduation arrives you and Harmony are a couple and you can finally look at Rachel and breathe again. Your friendship with her has not suffered but it has grown less painful. Now you can actually look at her and Santana and be happy for them.

As the four of you gather that evening for your own private celebration before going off to Puck's after party Harmony and Rachel disappear into the latter's kitchen, leaving you with Santana. She slings and arm around your shoulder and pulls you into her for a hug that says more than words can.

When your girlfriends return you smile at Rachel, all the while revelling in the warmth that you finally allow yourself to feel from Harmony's hand in yours. She returns it with one of her own and you accept that this will always be the extent of what you can have now.

"So Quinn, you never told us where you're going," she says, smile in tact. "Have you even decided?"

"England," Harmony answers, while you take a sip of water. "Quinn's going to stay with me and my mom."

You squeeze her hand. Her parents have divorced recently but she lives with her mother. The job in England came at around the same time that they found out that they have no money so for Harmony it had not been an easy choice to leave. That is, not until you made your decision.

"Quinn," Santana begins but you shake her head. You know what she is going to say, what they both think but they are wrong.

"This isn't about you and Rachel or me and Harmony," you say easily. "I've been thinking about this ever since my acceptance letters came in and I need to do this. For  _me_. It will be a new beginning."

Rachel seems to understand this, if the small nod and the encouraging smile she gives you before enquiring about what you will study is anything to go by. She may have been your saviour but she was never the princess in your story and you both know that.

You catch your girlfriend's eye and smile. In the stories the queen never was redeemed but this is your story and in it Snow White is the one who will break the curse and bring the queen out of the darkness and into the light.


End file.
